Redacted

I think I might have died from lack of breathing.

Its funny how you can make someone your almost enemy by simply being interesting.  . Crazy thing.  Provision can mean a lot of things. . There is a chance, a real chance, that this is as close to the best life has ever been. I'm happy. Very happy. God has blessed in so many ways. . Very thankful my mom had good news and is in good shape recovering from surgery. Praying her pain goes away quickly! Thankful also for prayers of friends and family. Extremely thankful for our God who hears and answers those prayers with healing! . Being right.  :D . I know the spying goes on, I still find it creepy. . Pondering Dirt. Again. Today. . My kids requested these songs before bed the other evening. Bruno Mars: When I Was Your Man . Building 429: We Won't Be Shaken

So much truth is muddled by what we fear.

Ugh. I spent the majority of my evening cleaning house because tomorrow the new counselor is coming to see everyone.  I started out just to do a quick clean but then I got disturbed by the amount of dirty I was finding, particularly in that bathroom the kids use, and it turned into more of a marathon muttering "disgusting" cleaning. . I marched the kids straight to bed without their normal routine this evening after the 2nd time they hurt each other in 5 min. Their teeth may rot out because I didn't stop the marching for cleaning.  There may have been crying involved once I left the room, but I had no sympathy. . It's a good thing my friend reminded me she thinks I am not cut out for this for always. . I was astonished to notice that almost all of my neighbor's trees in her backyard disappeared while I was gone today. It made me nervous that it was done by the city and they had taken mine too. One of my kids ran to see.  I still have mine so far at least! . My par...

Oh dear God, I want to do good. I really do. Love Me

My brain won't shut off again. It's reached the stage of fevered delusional wanderings.  From how to right the wrongs to how others helped me to wishful thinking to frustrated despair that I'll ever sleep. My eyes burn heavy. And blink. Find the next thing to occupy the mind. Sleep.

Just an f.y.i PSA:  if you are sick with a cold and training someone, it is better for you to sit at the computer and control the mouse and the keyboard than to stand over the trainee breathing on them all morning.  The keyboard and mouse can be sanitized later, it's slightly difficult for your victim to secretly wear a face mask. On another note, it's extremely difficult to focus while not breathing.  ; D

I may have put the kids to bed too late this evening.  We had one terrified crying refusal to enter the bathroom and shower because of possible ghosts or people running around with knives outside of the shower curtain, and one crying meltdown over not winning a coin toss. You can guess which was which.  I think they are asleep now. . I can't tell if the terrified act is real or a deliberate delaying tactic.  There were tears, but once the shower was over everything was just fine. . The other one cries almost every time they can't control the outcome and the decision goes against their desired end.  It's a manipulation that occasionally works because sometimes they can get their sibling to cave in by crying. . We went to a party and the hostess went off on the waitstaff and management. It was embarrassing.  I took my kids and the baby away until it was safer to return. . I am relieved that the LORD has patience with us.

Do you ever wonder what people really think of you or whether they think of you at all but are rather so wrapped up inside their own thoughts they barely see you and it almost doesn't register to acknowledge you exist? Guilty as charged. On all counts. . I have a bruise on the outside of my leg the size of a green walnut because I keep walking into the footboard of my bed. It's my own fault because I still haven't completely unpacked from vacation and I have to maneuver around the suitcase every time I walk into the room. . My kids have been extra huggy and snuggly the past two days. I wish I knew what was going on. I fear it's because they are afraid of going home.  They were very sad Tuesday night when they commented about leaving. I just said it would be a long time, at least probably until Christmas.  They were glad. . I got to hold a baby for a couple of hours tonight. I might have wished he could live with us. . I visited a new chiropractor today. It's always ...

Ever since someone loaned me a CD last Sunday I have had a Clint Black serenade running constantly in my head. . It's decidedly odd how we can see people without really seeing them. . Seeing people outside of the normal routine is enlightening. . God's Word is Truth . Glad we don't always have to rise early for surgeries! Glad they could do great things. Glad God is greater with His blessings! . Add blessing upon blessed. . Thank You God for watching out for us. Your Will is enough.

A little and a lot to ask . I killed my fish yesterday by not cleaning out his tank immediately after returning from vacation.  I guess the food pellet was the last gasp. . I may have made up for the above by saving a wasp today. It was repeatedly hitting the window in my office this afternoon and I finally noticed. I'm wondering if it was the same one that had found its way inside yesterday during our weekly meeting.   Poor thing was worn out by the time I realized what was happening. The window slants outward and every time it would fly up the windowpane it would end up knocking itself upside down.  Red Solo cup to the rescue. . Glad for electricity today. . I am spending lots of time typing notes at work lately. Since I have been given an ancient desktop for my initial 90 days, and my temporary office is in the opposite end of the building from where I am training, I resorted to using my personal ipad to take notes. It's not the worst option by far. . "At least yo...

For vacation but also so very glad to be home.

Ugliness comes in all varieties.  Let's just say that I admit that this evening was insanely ugly.  Unfortunately. ~ I should be sleeping. ~ Maybe I should never do this again.  Do you think that would change anything?  I'm just wishing I could do everything I would like to do, or said that I would do, or even SHOULD do.  Sigh.  I think I'm failing. ~ Still very thankful for my job today.  God is great.

I am very thankful for my new job.  I really do believe that God had it held open specifically just for me at this specific time.  My past experience and every detail along the way has fit perfectly.  They had been looking since May to fill this role, and it took them just two weeks to hire me. It could have been the 8 hours of stunning intellectually stimulating interviewing, but I'd like to think I had a God to Thank. I found out today that the person who is leaving used to be a BSF admin leader.  She is a Christian and came to Christ from the example of other Christian couples in her town who didn't live the way she did but still had fun. (Isn't that cool?  I got to hear that part of her testimony the first day.)

Trying to convince myself that I don't actually need new technology for tomorrow is like trying to stop a train by standing in front of it.  It isn't pretty. ~ I bought a smaller laptop last year for convenience sake, but now I don't want to take it anywhere because it's too nice.  Sigh.  Sell me some junker thing and I'll be happy as long as I can take notes and it runs Excel. ~ My mouse died. ~ I feel a new expense coming on any day now.