Redacted

Some days I don't mind the ogling* so much, some days I do. I think today I do. *ogling in this case is usually accompanied by random sounds of appreciation, subtly uncomfortable laughter, and other random acts which I don't need to spell out specifically.

Packing for an overnight business trip is way harder than it should be at this point in the morning.  I'm not even carrying anything business related except myself. Hmm

...all I can say is that we have an interesting year ahead of us...

I think every part of me hurts today. I'm just glad it isn't totally debilitating. That is all.

This was the word of the weekend. Don't know why.  Repeatedly reverberating through the brain. It's sort of fun to say.

I suffer from an embarrassment of technology gadgets.  That's pretty shameful in some ways. Reminds me of this... Look at this stuff Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl The girl who has everything? Look at this trove Treasures untold How many wonders can one cavern hold? Looking around here you think Sure, she's got everything I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty I've got whozits and whatzits galore You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal I want more

A friend told me to give warning when I post because my vagueness is so depressingly emo that they need to find a place where they can be alone and hurt for me. I laughed.  It's easy to misinterpret what's being said indirectly, and it gives rise to a lot of wondering. Most of my posts, however, are not from depressing drama in my life, though apparently my poor communication is easily interpreted that way. Mostly it's just brain blurbs written too late in the evening.

How can you ever be certain if no one ever speaks plainly of what is over what isn't? . Yesterday I set off the security alarm on the way out of a store.  Makes you feel awkward even if you aren't guilty. . The mouse isn't so cute this evening. . I think there is a thing living in the attic. I heard something and now I can't relax for listening so intently. . How long does an offer like that last anyway? Forever?  I could use a promise like that. . The mind is a beautifully frustrating thing. . The kids in my youth group have very active imaginations regarding my supposed love life. If they only knew the truth. . My kids are a blessing. One of them thanked God I was their Mom tonight. The other one is still holding back. We'll get there. God willing. . Because it would forever change things, that's why we go on as if it doesn't exist, tiptoe around the elephant everyone's always taking sides on with their ideals of what's right and what isn't. .

What I can't decide is whether it was to protect or prevent, and even then it boggles the mind to decide who or why.  Flattery or offense? :) things my mind ponders on late nights . On the other hand, I must learn to not make eye contact with strange men.  Wandering eyes make me uncomfortable.  This is true not just because of the whole cheating thing, but as they don't know me at all, it makes me feel so much like an object.  Sigh. Self?  Remember this. Remember this. It's quite disturbing to realize that you are the object of a stranger's lustful imaginings. Not flattering in the least. There is a vast difference in attraction and lascivious looks. . I seem to be going about normal life backwards.  Now that the kids will be staying permanently, both my grandmother and my kids are giving me advice.  I told them they could pray.  It's a bit backwards from the usual way of things. .

That is all. Thank you

It's awkward when people you haven't talked to in some odd years suddenly messages you with "Hello gorgeous" at late hours of the evening/night. I think the word is creep...y.  Sigh. 

Is it odd to dream about the same person for days on end? It typically doesn't happen to me this way. Occasionally I'll dream about people I know, but never day after day like it has been this last week. I find it personally a bit startling.  Not sure why or what is causing this.  Just know I am praying that God will do whatever it is God wants in their life.

Too many books to read, not enough free time! I'm behind on this massive tome.

John Acuff recently posted these words. " So I laugh, with a God who brings things full circle. I can’t say where I will be writing from in six years from now, but I can say who I will be writing with. A God who writes better stories than me. A God who calls me to build his kingdom not mine. A God who invites me into adventures and will not leave me alone in the fear that inevitably comes with doing anything worthwhile. I hope you get to laugh with him in six years or maybe six days. He’s got a better sense of humor than you can possibly imagine. And he loves when we dare to dream with him. " Pretty much feeling them this morning.

I may need more.

It's a strange feeling.

I could fall asleep in this line. After waking up every hour last night And finally giving up around 530 am this morning, I could use some shut eye. I wonder how bad it will get before 9 this evening when I can finally be free to go home.?

Keep hearing the Lionel Richie song "Hello" stuck in my head.  Not too bad of an option actually considering I like the song. . Yesterday was a one last aggravating experience. I didn't want to be the one to tell them, but perhaps it's best that I did. It came out well, God helping me, but what are the repercussions I'll be reaping?  . I'm praying for a lot of peace, joy and healing around here today. . The days are busy. They are full of things to consider and do. Something more than I can see right now being so focused on the immediate, but it is back there in my brain processing I'm sure. . Interpretation of what is said vs what is heard can be a BIG problem. Frustrating. Confusing. Etc. Never mind the good intentions behind the words,  sometimes it still hurts. And yet it's usually just in our thoughts.  Bizarre people that we are. . I really wish I had a clue more often. :D

Went skating. Bout died. Breathing is HARD. True story.

Hail. Never met dear fellow. I pity you for the job you find.  Sleep well.