Redacted

I needed a muse and you were it For a while. Sorry. maybe. because How could you see around it to the real me? Convenient way to Block Everything. Not knowing. Not thinking. Dumb. Ignorant. feelings.

...all I can say is that we have an interesting year ahead of us...

What I can't decide is whether it was to protect or prevent, and even then it boggles the mind to decide who or why.  Flattery or offense? :) things my mind ponders on late nights . On the other hand, I must learn to not make eye contact with strange men.  Wandering eyes make me uncomfortable.  This is true not just because of the whole cheating thing, but as they don't know me at all, it makes me feel so much like an object.  Sigh. Self?  Remember this. Remember this. It's quite disturbing to realize that you are the object of a stranger's lustful imaginings. Not flattering in the least. There is a vast difference in attraction and lascivious looks. . I seem to be going about normal life backwards.  Now that the kids will be staying permanently, both my grandmother and my kids are giving me advice.  I told them they could pray.  It's a bit backwards from the usual way of things. .

Today I got serenaded by some random guy at the kidwishes place.  I stepped outside to make a phone call and he was sitting there in his car with the country music blaring...girl you make me want to roll my window down and cruise.   Next thing I know he's singing at me.  Oy.

Keep hearing the Lionel Richie song "Hello" stuck in my head.  Not too bad of an option actually considering I like the song. . Yesterday was a one last aggravating experience. I didn't want to be the one to tell them, but perhaps it's best that I did. It came out well, God helping me, but what are the repercussions I'll be reaping?  . I'm praying for a lot of peace, joy and healing around here today. . The days are busy. They are full of things to consider and do. Something more than I can see right now being so focused on the immediate, but it is back there in my brain processing I'm sure. . Interpretation of what is said vs what is heard can be a BIG problem. Frustrating. Confusing. Etc. Never mind the good intentions behind the words,  sometimes it still hurts. And yet it's usually just in our thoughts.  Bizarre people that we are. . I really wish I had a clue more often. :D

... sat in a room with a bunch of people all connected through bad decision making, and was told it was unusual that we all got along and liked each other and worked together.  I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be!  LOL.  I am too surprised at humanity it seems. . ... watched as a woman declared her intentions to voluntarily walk away from the best things she has ever accomplished, and will ever help create.  I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for her, and for what she could have been, if only.  And therein the phrase, "there but for the grace of God, go I" becomes even more of a reality.  OH! How different my life could have been! . ... am in some ways scared that the future holds BIG things that I can't hold, yet Knowing God is in control. . ...realize that I may have to fight for what God wants to give me, because even the Israelites had to fight to conquer the Promised Land. . ...held up my pants with a safety pin. . ...talked. and talked. ...

Today we decorated for Thanksgiving at my house. Everyone pitched in and had a good time.  At one point the kids were happily singing songs while scrubbing up some votive candle holders for one of the decorations.  I just stood in the hall and listened because it was so happy. :) . We practiced. Lots. We needed naps. And prayer . I got to help decorate at church while the kids played the drums and then football outside. That was fun. . A friend bought my kids slingshots. . We have had more timeouts today than all the last few months combined, but we are (hopefully) making progress. Training parents is hard. . The caramel bag exploded everywhere.  I laughed. . We watched White House Down this evening. Maybe a bit too much, but the kids were enthralled.  We now have a secret service wannabe. . If you are going to dream, Dream big . It is wrong of me, but I was glad to hear they are gone now. I pray they learn to be better wherever they land.

Not going to say that blonde's have more fun, but it's been a long time since I've been propositioned or had a driver pace me trying to get my attention.  Hmm. Saturday's hair appointment may have provided some interesting adventures ahead. :D

Its funny how you can make someone your almost enemy by simply being interesting.  . Crazy thing.  Provision can mean a lot of things. . There is a chance, a real chance, that this is as close to the best life has ever been. I'm happy. Very happy. God has blessed in so many ways. . Very thankful my mom had good news and is in good shape recovering from surgery. Praying her pain goes away quickly! Thankful also for prayers of friends and family. Extremely thankful for our God who hears and answers those prayers with healing! . Being right.  :D . I know the spying goes on, I still find it creepy. . Pondering Dirt. Again. Today. . My kids requested these songs before bed the other evening. Bruno Mars: When I Was Your Man . Building 429: We Won't Be Shaken

You haven't lived until you have been surreptitiously scoped out by an entire table of older society ladies gathered for their book club.  Just saying.

My antibiotic tastes BAD!  I'd rather take it than be sick any longer though.  I realized today it's been at least three weeks since I started feeling bad.  Time to get well! ~ I think I may have made my coworker go crazy.  She is exhausted.  I'm just waiting for her to blow a gasket and quit. ~ Proud of my boy.  His behavior marks at school are really improving!  Thank God! ~ Another breakthrough at counseling this evening. Things are changing. ~ God is helping us. ~ All of these things you say, what do they really mean? How are you so certain of MY feelings? I've never even considered anything remotely like this thing. Why are you so angry?

:) it's not every day you get a personal invitation to try out for the new roller derby team. I'm fairly excited just to be picked out of a crowd at the amateur ice skating rink downtown even if it was for recruitment purposes.