Redacted

Smiles linger at the warmth of you, those small ways I hold on, far memories fought for. Yes. You should know they still sing in my mind.  When I remember.  Don't you recall?     Do you ever chase the memories? The young? The old? Those small ways Life shared with us But we weren't ever, except you never knew how that hoped And, Now, what was that? Hmm? I don't recall. My thoughts of time are gone a ghosted smile Of which I have no memory.

Reading through old files and ran across these old beauties this evening.  I like the sense and emotion of them.  Thankful for true strokes of inspiration occasionally.

Lost memories keep me warm in the scent and smell of you I found in this old sweater.  And suddenly this frosty morning i s alive in the quiet of this early solitude where my breath curls frozen in the air.

I needed a muse and you were it For a while. Sorry. maybe. because How could you see around it to the real me? Convenient way to Block Everything. Not knowing. Not thinking. Dumb. Ignorant. feelings.

I've been meaning to say... But that's old history To which nobody is interested in listening.

Memento. Token of your affection hidden away in a secret place where I can draw it out and, Remember. I was loved. What memories I have back where we begin.

It's no use to Leave unsaid. I can't even Try.  Because life is important Every day.  More is Added. Until you Are stirred.  When self-focused World view - shattered. You can't hope To see. There is more here

Frozen time will stand forever Nothing hidden will be found Ever onward upward looking till your true self runs to ground.

I don't want to forget you while I'm still breathing, Don't delete me off your skin. Leave your heart wide open and Imprint yourself within. Don't ever leave me, nor Forsake me. I'll love you (forever) until then

l Love you in a different way than I ever have. Better. Quieter maybe. I'm not sure. More relaxed, and that's ok. By far the best of all till now. . . . This silly wayward lilt of the heart. Makes me smile

I think we may have trouble over here. Sigh. I didn't even want him to go away for a visit today.  Bigger sigh. How am I going to make it? . and yet I know fact and fiction do not always Collide as in this world we may have wished them to once more

How can you ever be certain if no one ever speaks plainly of what is over what isn't? . Yesterday I set off the security alarm on the way out of a store.  Makes you feel awkward even if you aren't guilty. . The mouse isn't so cute this evening. . I think there is a thing living in the attic. I heard something and now I can't relax for listening so intently. . How long does an offer like that last anyway? Forever?  I could use a promise like that. . The mind is a beautifully frustrating thing. . The kids in my youth group have very active imaginations regarding my supposed love life. If they only knew the truth. . My kids are a blessing. One of them thanked God I was their Mom tonight. The other one is still holding back. We'll get there. God willing. . Because it would forever change things, that's why we go on as if it doesn't exist, tiptoe around the elephant everyone's always taking sides on with their ideals of what's right and what isn't. .

Being nothing more than an annoyance is wearing; the very opposite of confidence building. And when words you've written have made others think you are less than you should be, and they've turned your friendship away and judged hastily, Well then, what do you say? Not much to it is there anyway.

Do you remember the feel of that moment when your hand brushed mine and grabbed hold? I smile thinking of that moment long ago. We were both open to the moment then and yet now we seem so closed.

1CO 2:10-13 NASB For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. . I sit here wanting to write,  but too tired to do more than lift the pen.

One new car battery later... The other was dead, dead as the snail was, But perhaps not so smelly.

The tiredness just hits me, sweeps my feet out from under me and humbles me more completely Than most things. . I almost ran into the back of a truck on the way home because I fell asleep that quickly. Between one blinking and the next. It was time to quit driving. . Overall camp was impressive.  GOD is always extra good to us while we are there. Praying that everyone remembers to seek Him at home. . I can't wait to fall asleep again.

I could fall asleep in this line. After waking up every hour last night And finally giving up around 530 am this morning, I could use some shut eye. I wonder how bad it will get before 9 this evening when I can finally be free to go home.?

The only words that keep repeatedly showing up in big marquee lettering in my head all evening?  "Say something, I'm giving up on you." Nice. It's like it's twitching and replaying on a loop on the backside of my left eyeball.  Which amazingly enough is the side looking at you. . The back alley dark while the movie reel stuttering on the big screen throws the scene of some noir film while the music plays crooked lyrics at me.