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I am afraid tomorrow will be dreadful.

The last two days feels like four.

I think every part of me hurts today. I'm just glad it isn't totally debilitating. That is all.

Three separate times today I was reminded to remember God's answers to prayer, once in conversation and twice in separate devotionals.  No coincidence I think.  From the Passover in one, to communion in the last, I was reminded that God provides.  Thank You Lord! . Today one family brought at least 10 children to church tonight. They do this all voluntarily.  God be praised. . The lady at Braum's remembers me and is always so friendly.  She gave me ice cream for free tonight. Makes me happy. . My kids made it a full week without egregious behaviour.  They earned back the privilege of class time. God is really helping them. (He's also training me to be a better parent.)  O:-) . I'm blessed way beyond. . Lord, above all, may I serve You how You best decide.

Being sick for two weekends in a row makes stuff pile up at home. . My child. Reading carefully is a thing only accomplished when people are watching.  Grrr. And because of this he is far from passing. He likes to succeed. Praying he quickly learns he can successfully complete things without constant supervision. . I am glad days have endings.

I feel that the 1st 3 days of this week have been a month long.

my mind is racing with all of the "to do" before the end of this week. i'm blessed that my friend is helping me or i'd never manage. i'm already exhausted-ish. BUT life is sweet i'm blessed God is good. always

How do you treat ptsd in a 9yr old? . I've learned a lot in the last 2 years.  What's one more thing?  . Sigh.  Sin sucks and everyone impacted by it is the loser. . The counselor wouldn't make eye contact half the morning.  Bizarre. I felt "handled". Just come out and say what you think. And look at me when you do. . If I did love you, You would never know, you never asked. You never let your thoughts be known. . Attachment? What is that? Only one of the most important things every human needs.  To belong. To be together.  To be family.  To learn how to interact properly. It's bad when it's missing. It affects everything. The effects are negative. . Another new thing I'm learning. . Prayers . My soul finds you, and every second of my horrible day, Is made better because you are present.  . I really don't know how to make it okay. .

... sat in a room with a bunch of people all connected through bad decision making, and was told it was unusual that we all got along and liked each other and worked together.  I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be!  LOL.  I am too surprised at humanity it seems. . ... watched as a woman declared her intentions to voluntarily walk away from the best things she has ever accomplished, and will ever help create.  I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for her, and for what she could have been, if only.  And therein the phrase, "there but for the grace of God, go I" becomes even more of a reality.  OH! How different my life could have been! . ... am in some ways scared that the future holds BIG things that I can't hold, yet Knowing God is in control. . ...realize that I may have to fight for what God wants to give me, because even the Israelites had to fight to conquer the Promised Land. . ...held up my pants with a safety pin. . ...talked. and talked. ...

Utilizing apple cider vinegar for its antibiotic treatment qualities, even at half strength, is not always pleasant. It burns like fire in the eyes! . The kids had burning questions to ask me this evening.  It's definitely more information than I wish they had knowledge to ask about for at least another few years.  I did answer, but there are just some things you can't fully explain to an 8 and 9 year old no matter what they've actually seen or heard. . Woe is me.  I took on another tax return this year and they are going to OWE MONEY.  It's not my fault, but now I'm trying to wrack my brain for all kinds of remote possibilities for other deductions before I end up breaking the bad news to them.  They are so not going to be happy.  I am so not going to enjoy saying it to them!!! . I have a collection of abandoned pen and pencils.  A new pen, pencil, crayon, or marker makes me very happy.  If I'm having a bad day, or I just want a change, I sometim...

Today one of my kids prayed and asked God for forgiveness for all the bad things done and asked for help to do better. The kid didn't have any prompting, just prayed before the nightly shower and then came to share afterwards. God's pretty amazing! . Every year I think that I will become better friends with people, and every year I fail at progressing. I think I either need to plan or give it up. . It always amazes me that people might actually want to be my friend and might genuinely be interested in talking to me. I realized it again this evening and several other times lately during conversations where I forced myself to stay instead of making my normal quick get away.  The other person seemed like they wanted to continue talking. I always just assume people want to get away as quickly as possible so I beat them to it.  Arms length. Sigh. You don't make very many friends that way. . Tears of the gods. http://opal-trader.com/support/opal_history.asp . Tonight I inherited ...

Today I had lunch with a person I had never met before.  She accidentally poured hot water all over me. My leg feels very pink this evening. . I forgot practice so I was late.  It was fun but I missed having time with my kids.  I was looking forward to having a normal bible story and caramel night.  Maybe Thursday. . One of the work family members died yesterday morning. Cancer sucketh. . Having my arms full of adorable laughing babies this weekend was lovely.  Sigh.  If I didn't have any need to work or any other responsibilities, and I had some help, I think I could enjoy that kind of living.  I know I enjoy volunteering with those ages at the S.  The kids started calling me Mommy on the second day.  The oldest cried when I dropped them off at daycare Monday.  My kids didn't want them to leave either.  I miss them even though this house was full and crazy.  I'm glad my friend will get to see them possibly regularly so I will ...

I think I'm over my head at this new job.

How do you treat someone who has no grace for other people but expects it from everyone else?  It is a quandary that has long puzzled me. . What do you do when fear, anger or frustration stops you from unconditional acceptance and begins judging? . Can you accept others if you do not have a base of acceptance to fall back upon? . Is it possible to be loved?  To be loving? . In my experience it isn't enough to have head knowledge that God loves you, you must also have the human representation that you are loved and accepted as you are by at least one person, hopefully more. . You gain confidence by loving and being loved in return.  Consistently. . What if everything you say is taken to mean something personally demeaning?  What turns a person into someone in whom paranoia reigns?  I worked with some of these individuals until just recently.  It was unnerving to say the least.  It was downright despicable and immoral at the most.  Wrong is wrong is...

Oh dear God, I want to do good. I really do. Love Me

My antibiotic tastes BAD!  I'd rather take it than be sick any longer though.  I realized today it's been at least three weeks since I started feeling bad.  Time to get well! ~ I think I may have made my coworker go crazy.  She is exhausted.  I'm just waiting for her to blow a gasket and quit. ~ Proud of my boy.  His behavior marks at school are really improving!  Thank God! ~ Another breakthrough at counseling this evening. Things are changing. ~ God is helping us. ~ All of these things you say, what do they really mean? How are you so certain of MY feelings? I've never even considered anything remotely like this thing. Why are you so angry?

My foster kids have come to the very verbal conclusion that I need a boyfriend.  They are apparently interested in this happening so he can come over and play with them.  That just makes me worried about their possible recruiting means. :D ` Yesterday's worker visit was very informative.  If you haven't already, please start praying for decisions the parents will be making. ` At our family visit on Sunday, I was the one my kids ran to when they were worried. If I were the parent that would significantly concern me and I would be jealous beyond anything. ` I get to keep the baby again in a couple of weekends.  He is CHUNKY! ` Sigh.  My creativity isn't flowing.  I'm just not miserable enough, in love enough, angry enough, whatever to get the creative juices flowing.  I'm sadly disappointed this is how my poetry month is going. ` I may actually file my return prior to April 15 this year.  That will be something that hasn't happened in years. ` Incen...

Fear is bad. or it could be good. But mostly lately it's been bad. But it's driven me right back to where God is and where I want to be. Trusting Him that things will work out that God is big enough that I'm loved enough to love even those who hurt me that even as if a slave like Nehemiah, I must serve and support and protect those in authority over me. Because God is love And He loves me I am loved. and because of that, I am free

Why do I feel like crying when I look at you and see the lack of proper training that has gone into your life? The lack of respect for others, yourself and the one that you say is your God?  How you cannot see the vast desert wasteland that is your life is a pitious mystery. You have nothing.  You own nothing. You have nowhere to go. You have no goals. There is nothing to live for. Come.  Come to the fountain. Drink deeply of the living water that is always already there. Restore your soul. Find real unconditional unconditional unconditional, did I say unconditional, unconditional love that will make you whole. And peace, peace for your family and your soul. Are you aware? Does that make you want more than what you've had up til now? You've been cheated by what you thought was your freedom.