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This song has been stuck in my head for hours this evening. Dara Maclean - Wanted

The last hour. One more chance. . I was going to have lunch out with my boss tomorrow but instead my lunch will be attending a funeral. . No thing. I'm sorry to have bothered you today. . I feel as though I should be old, but I'm not, even if I do need sleep more often. . This training is wearing me out. I'm glad we keep busy otherwise the sleeping would be hard to explain. :) . It's been a great year. I've learned a lot, given up on some things and some people, focused on other things and really wished I could be wiser. I don't think I grew as much as I should have, but I'll leave that up to God's grace.   Love you all.  Good night.  Shalom.

I bought myself a new quilt today.  It's nothing special or fancy, but it was soft and comfy and perfect for traveling.  Plus it was celebratory! :D (I'm lying, I just wanted the thing.)  Quilts make me happy.  Other than books and shoes it is one of the things I almost always stare longingly at the most whenever I see them in an advertisement or in real life.  It doesn't matter that I already have more quilts than a person can normally use in a lifetime, I still love them.  My favorites are typically soft cotton summer weight quilts that have lots of stitching.  Most of mine have memories attached so I almost hate to use them, but the best part of a quilt's life is right toward the end when they've been washed a thousand times and the cotton fabric is super thin and just wraps around you like your favorite shirt or jeans.  Comforting! I thank God for today.

one day down this week. the list goes on. counting down the "things to do" before the week is done. ` Next week is camp.  I can't quite believe it that the summer is almost half over.  Next month school starts at the first of the month. ` On the last day of this month I will have had the boys for one year. ` I wish I would learn to say "no".  I have crammed way too many things to do into this tiny week. ` I have tickets to a concert on Saturday.  I am really hoping and praying that I can participate in the event and have everything ready for going on the trip on Sunday. ` I will miss you this year.  A fact that leaves me feeling quite alone. ` Every year there are new memories.  I remember them every one.  And I smile with the warmth that comes with them when I think of the time spent as friends. ` Praising God for His continued grace and forgiveness and mercy this evening. I love you all.  Shalom. Thanks for reading.

Do you remember when our friend looked at you and I sitting side by side? They looked at you, then I, then you again, and smiled like they knew something we were missing.

My eyes don't hide this side of me too vulnerable, it shows. By carefulness I digress... I don't want to let you know.

My antibiotic tastes BAD!  I'd rather take it than be sick any longer though.  I realized today it's been at least three weeks since I started feeling bad.  Time to get well! ~ I think I may have made my coworker go crazy.  She is exhausted.  I'm just waiting for her to blow a gasket and quit. ~ Proud of my boy.  His behavior marks at school are really improving!  Thank God! ~ Another breakthrough at counseling this evening. Things are changing. ~ God is helping us. ~ All of these things you say, what do they really mean? How are you so certain of MY feelings? I've never even considered anything remotely like this thing. Why are you so angry?

I am loved. Who wouldn't be happy to know that with certainty?

I think if we could choose when to end our life, I think I'd choose tonight.  It's as good a time as any right?  I don't mean to cause a panic or a get a rise out of those few of you who read this, I just think it would be nice for it (life) to be over so I could get on with the good stuff.  But who am I to question God? Nobody.  (I'm suddenly stricken by remorse for feeling such discontentment with what the Lord has given me.  Nothing but blessings have I received and yet...) Don't get me wrong.  I don't want to die.  I'm not waiting for a way to safely end my time alive. It's  just something jumbled that's got me sideways inside.  Too much stuff in the stir crazy breakneck pace that is my life.  Sigh.  I should count my blessings.  I have more than enough.

Seems my previous blog had a problem.   It no longer exists. - Years ago I made several vows to myself but I have forgotten most of them along the way. I begin with remembering them again.