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I think we may have trouble over here. Sigh. I didn't even want him to go away for a visit today.  Bigger sigh. How am I going to make it? . and yet I know fact and fiction do not always Collide as in this world we may have wished them to once more

What I can't decide is whether it was to protect or prevent, and even then it boggles the mind to decide who or why.  Flattery or offense? :) things my mind ponders on late nights . On the other hand, I must learn to not make eye contact with strange men.  Wandering eyes make me uncomfortable.  This is true not just because of the whole cheating thing, but as they don't know me at all, it makes me feel so much like an object.  Sigh. Self?  Remember this. Remember this. It's quite disturbing to realize that you are the object of a stranger's lustful imaginings. Not flattering in the least. There is a vast difference in attraction and lascivious looks. . I seem to be going about normal life backwards.  Now that the kids will be staying permanently, both my grandmother and my kids are giving me advice.  I told them they could pray.  It's a bit backwards from the usual way of things. .

Keep hearing the Lionel Richie song "Hello" stuck in my head.  Not too bad of an option actually considering I like the song. . Yesterday was a one last aggravating experience. I didn't want to be the one to tell them, but perhaps it's best that I did. It came out well, God helping me, but what are the repercussions I'll be reaping?  . I'm praying for a lot of peace, joy and healing around here today. . The days are busy. They are full of things to consider and do. Something more than I can see right now being so focused on the immediate, but it is back there in my brain processing I'm sure. . Interpretation of what is said vs what is heard can be a BIG problem. Frustrating. Confusing. Etc. Never mind the good intentions behind the words,  sometimes it still hurts. And yet it's usually just in our thoughts.  Bizarre people that we are. . I really wish I had a clue more often. :D

... sat in a room with a bunch of people all connected through bad decision making, and was told it was unusual that we all got along and liked each other and worked together.  I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be!  LOL.  I am too surprised at humanity it seems. . ... watched as a woman declared her intentions to voluntarily walk away from the best things she has ever accomplished, and will ever help create.  I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for her, and for what she could have been, if only.  And therein the phrase, "there but for the grace of God, go I" becomes even more of a reality.  OH! How different my life could have been! . ... am in some ways scared that the future holds BIG things that I can't hold, yet Knowing God is in control. . ...realize that I may have to fight for what God wants to give me, because even the Israelites had to fight to conquer the Promised Land. . ...held up my pants with a safety pin. . ...talked. and talked. ...

So it's Valentines Day and a full moon. I feel like there should be something witty to be said there, but my brain thinks I should stop trying. . Most people have some kind of thought about this day. I as well. I'm looking forward to spending it with my kids.  We are having family fun night and I don't have to work too hard at being fascinating. Score one for being me. . I always feel a tiny bit guilty during this week because it once again marks the anniversary of the day I ended things with an old friend. Bad timing on my part but it turned out to be extremely freeing. . Wishing I had watched more of the Olympics this week. . I wonder if this will ever change

Writing Christmas cards is an exercise in patience. It always takes longer than expected. But I love getting them, so I assume other people enjoy receiving them too. Off they go. . I love Christmas. I have shopping to do. It snuck up on me! . This picture reminds me of so many things, people and gifts. Love for all. His birthday.

Today we decorated for Thanksgiving at my house. Everyone pitched in and had a good time.  At one point the kids were happily singing songs while scrubbing up some votive candle holders for one of the decorations.  I just stood in the hall and listened because it was so happy. :) . We practiced. Lots. We needed naps. And prayer . I got to help decorate at church while the kids played the drums and then football outside. That was fun. . A friend bought my kids slingshots. . We have had more timeouts today than all the last few months combined, but we are (hopefully) making progress. Training parents is hard. . The caramel bag exploded everywhere.  I laughed. . We watched White House Down this evening. Maybe a bit too much, but the kids were enthralled.  We now have a secret service wannabe. . If you are going to dream, Dream big . It is wrong of me, but I was glad to hear they are gone now. I pray they learn to be better wherever they land.

How could I forget how warm and heavenly flannel sheets are?

The conversation went something like this. "Where's your ring?" "Huh?" "Where's the ring on your finger?" "I don't have one of those." "Why not? I'd put a ring on it right now." "Well that's nice of you. You don't even know my name." "Haven't you ever heard of love at first sight?" "Yes. I don't believe in it." "You don't?  Well I do now.  I don't mean to be disrespectful or..." "I know. I know you're just teasing or whatever." "...I seriously don't understand it. I see all of these ladies coming in here without a ring on and it blows my mind. Let me take you to dinner." "No. Thank you that's nice of you, but no." "Why not?" "I think I'm technically old enough to be your mother." "How old do you think I am?" "20" "I'm 26." (Obviously lying) "You're ol...

The day started and ended with cleaning up vomit. It still stinks in that part of the house. Ewwwh. But between was a lovely bit of magic with one of my very best friends.  :) It was a good day.

This song has been stuck in my head for hours this evening. Dara Maclean - Wanted

How do you treat someone who has no grace for other people but expects it from everyone else?  It is a quandary that has long puzzled me. . What do you do when fear, anger or frustration stops you from unconditional acceptance and begins judging? . Can you accept others if you do not have a base of acceptance to fall back upon? . Is it possible to be loved?  To be loving? . In my experience it isn't enough to have head knowledge that God loves you, you must also have the human representation that you are loved and accepted as you are by at least one person, hopefully more. . You gain confidence by loving and being loved in return.  Consistently. . What if everything you say is taken to mean something personally demeaning?  What turns a person into someone in whom paranoia reigns?  I worked with some of these individuals until just recently.  It was unnerving to say the least.  It was downright despicable and immoral at the most.  Wrong is wrong is...

All I can say is, "Thank God for frozen Little Debbie Cocoa Creme Cakes." Girl had some chocolate cake cravings. . Today I visited with a family whose dad/grandpa was dead in all but name only. My dad and I went up to the hospital to pray with him before he passed, but I'm not sure he even heard us, or was even there.  Like my dad said, "I wish we had had that conversation months ago." It is painful not knowing. . If it's important, say it.   That's what I've been reminded of today. . I love you is only one thing important enough to say, I forgive is another. I don't understand but help me know. I'm sorry. Yes and No to the right demands will help everyone along the road.

I have learned that no matter how much you hint around, your message isn't heard until you can be honest enough to say it in person. ~ You won't be satisfied with less. ~ I wish words weren't so confusing and always conveyed your full meaning. ~ "Choose to Love" by NEWSONG from their "Swallow the Ocean" album   LOVE THIS SONG ~ I wish we could always be what the other person needed without compromising the relationship with our LORD.  It would make relationships easier but I think we would never be our true self.  We would never become who God intended if we always conformed to the image others imagine us to be or who we think they want us to be or who we think we need to be in order to be loved.

Most relaxed and enjoyable Valentines yet. Enjoyed the day. Had lots of surprises. Great meal with my boys and a friend. Finished a project. Moving on to other things. Got coffee money and lots of candy. Offers to share candy to make up for my opened can of chips :) a bucket and a ball&chain. Gotta love that kind of day. I loved it.  I love you. Period. I mean it.