Redacted

... sat in a room with a bunch of people all connected through bad decision making, and was told it was unusual that we all got along and liked each other and worked together.  I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be!  LOL.  I am too surprised at humanity it seems. . ... watched as a woman declared her intentions to voluntarily walk away from the best things she has ever accomplished, and will ever help create.  I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for her, and for what she could have been, if only.  And therein the phrase, "there but for the grace of God, go I" becomes even more of a reality.  OH! How different my life could have been! . ... am in some ways scared that the future holds BIG things that I can't hold, yet Knowing God is in control. . ...realize that I may have to fight for what God wants to give me, because even the Israelites had to fight to conquer the Promised Land. . ...held up my pants with a safety pin. . ...talked. and talked. ...

Yesterday we went to the library sale at the fairgrounds. "My" kids picked out a wide assortment of books.  A couple of their friends were there browsing and picking out books like "Encyclopedia Brown", even reading some before they left the sale...   One of "My" kids' favorite books is shown above.  It's a child's counting board book.  It was likely published for children under the age of five.  It is designed to teach the correlation between numbers and actual quantities.    This morning on the way to church they were reading and exclaiming how "cool" it was and counting each page out-loud in unison.  They were astounded that each picture contained the exact quantity of candy pieces to match the number it shaped.  When I explained that it was made on purpose that way, one asked "Why?"  I asked if it would make sense if the number was 12 but it was made up of 17 candies?  They replied "no."   ...

Today I had lunch with a person I had never met before.  She accidentally poured hot water all over me. My leg feels very pink this evening. . I forgot practice so I was late.  It was fun but I missed having time with my kids.  I was looking forward to having a normal bible story and caramel night.  Maybe Thursday. . One of the work family members died yesterday morning. Cancer sucketh. . Having my arms full of adorable laughing babies this weekend was lovely.  Sigh.  If I didn't have any need to work or any other responsibilities, and I had some help, I think I could enjoy that kind of living.  I know I enjoy volunteering with those ages at the S.  The kids started calling me Mommy on the second day.  The oldest cried when I dropped them off at daycare Monday.  My kids didn't want them to leave either.  I miss them even though this house was full and crazy.  I'm glad my friend will get to see them possibly regularly so I will ...

I really would like to not dream about work tonight. ~ I still can't quite believe this is happening, but then I know God has bigger plans than I.  Perhaps this is His way of bringing me back down to size - nothing without Him. ~ I quite often do stupid things.  I've done a lot of them lately.  I really wish this wasn't one of them. ~ I love shopping when I have time, luck and money. :) ~ Maybe tonight I won't grope for the light and turn it on heart pounding panicked afraid. Sleep with it on. again. Maybe tonight won't be the same. ~ I don't want for anything how frightening.