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How do you treat ptsd in a 9yr old? . I've learned a lot in the last 2 years.  What's one more thing?  . Sigh.  Sin sucks and everyone impacted by it is the loser. . The counselor wouldn't make eye contact half the morning.  Bizarre. I felt "handled". Just come out and say what you think. And look at me when you do. . If I did love you, You would never know, you never asked. You never let your thoughts be known. . Attachment? What is that? Only one of the most important things every human needs.  To belong. To be together.  To be family.  To learn how to interact properly. It's bad when it's missing. It affects everything. The effects are negative. . Another new thing I'm learning. . Prayers . My soul finds you, and every second of my horrible day, Is made better because you are present.  . I really don't know how to make it okay. .

I think it's time to get up.

Don't be afraid to be great. Matthew 5:19 NLT.So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.

1 Corinthians 2:7-9 NLT No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God —his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord. That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” . I have learned not to believe my eyes or what my foolish heart will tell me, but this I do believe, God is with me.

Today I think I have decided to hate life and everything (and everyone) in it. . I am not happy. . I realize posting this makes me sound like a three year old throwing a tantrum. . Sigh. Looking in, this looks easy.  The answers obvious, and the way very clear. Living it hourly, and fighting it always, doesn't make me a happy camper. Having people criticize without knowing doesn't make it easier. It makes me angry and hateful and not full of grace or a sign of Jesus anywhere. That's not lovely.  That's not right.  And it certainly isn't holy. It makes me want to give up everything and go away. really and truthfully. always. and it makes me feel hateful toward them.   ALL of them. . maybe I should go to bed and pray.

1. ACV shot to start the morning. Not good on an empty stomach. 2. Almost passed out after the nurse took my blood for the lab test.  3. Made up for it with a chai tea latte and a blueberry scone. 4. Shared a slightly uncomfortable lunch with my middle boss to celebrate the day. BBQ. Still yummy. 5. Tiny creepy crawly things invaded my office space.  Ick. 6. Talked to lots of people I hadn't seen in ages. 7. Said goodbye to an old friend. 8.  Made a fool of myself. Again. 9. Taxes. 10. Extension. 11. Forgot about lesson. 12. Made my Mom sad about taxes and money.  :( 13. All day happy hour at Sonic. 14. My Dad made the airport delivery. 15. Getting to sleep. Finally.

... sat in a room with a bunch of people all connected through bad decision making, and was told it was unusual that we all got along and liked each other and worked together.  I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be!  LOL.  I am too surprised at humanity it seems. . ... watched as a woman declared her intentions to voluntarily walk away from the best things she has ever accomplished, and will ever help create.  I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for her, and for what she could have been, if only.  And therein the phrase, "there but for the grace of God, go I" becomes even more of a reality.  OH! How different my life could have been! . ... am in some ways scared that the future holds BIG things that I can't hold, yet Knowing God is in control. . ...realize that I may have to fight for what God wants to give me, because even the Israelites had to fight to conquer the Promised Land. . ...held up my pants with a safety pin. . ...talked. and talked. ...

The world will be a nicer place as soon I eat. No I won’t fill your mind With broken promises and wasted time

Bring back my baby!

1 Samuel 10:10 NASB When they came to the hill there, behold, a group of prophets met him; and the Spirit of God came upon him mightily, so that he prophesied among them. Sometimes I feel like this. Tonight was one of those times. The Truth wins.

Don't wait until you hit rock bottom to reach out for Christ.  Ask today.