I don't want to be the shining star or the super star or the greatest or the absolute best, I just want to be solidly good. . Today I would like to run away and sleep for as long as I want.
All I can say is, "Thank God for frozen Little Debbie Cocoa Creme Cakes." Girl had some chocolate cake cravings. . Today I visited with a family whose dad/grandpa was dead in all but name only. My dad and I went up to the hospital to pray with him before he passed, but I'm not sure he even heard us, or was even there. Like my dad said, "I wish we had had that conversation months ago." It is painful not knowing. . If it's important, say it. That's what I've been reminded of today. . I love you is only one thing important enough to say, I forgive is another. I don't understand but help me know. I'm sorry. Yes and No to the right demands will help everyone along the road.
Proverbs 22:6 NASB Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. . Somewhere along the way I think I missed the boat. . There are things In my own head I can't even make it right. I was wrong, and there is no way to fix it. It's not something they will ever forget. Let's pray that love covers over a bunch of wrongs! . I wish I were as calm as I used to think I was. Laughable really. . I took this on partially because I was afraid I was never being challenged. It's good to have some opposition. It makes you grow and reveals both great strengths and all sorts of hidden weaknesses. I may or may not have been crazy for thinking that, but I'm glad I did. I think I may have a truer version of reality. . God help me. .
I think if we could choose when to end our life, I think I'd choose tonight. It's as good a time as any right? I don't mean to cause a panic or a get a rise out of those few of you who read this, I just think it would be nice for it (life) to be over so I could get on with the good stuff. But who am I to question God? Nobody. (I'm suddenly stricken by remorse for feeling such discontentment with what the Lord has given me. Nothing but blessings have I received and yet...) Don't get me wrong. I don't want to die. I'm not waiting for a way to safely end my time alive. It's just something jumbled that's got me sideways inside. Too much stuff in the stir crazy breakneck pace that is my life. Sigh. I should count my blessings. I have more than enough.