missing out

Mentor: 
someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person
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Tonight in church the pastor said we mentor by coming to church, or even by not coming to church.
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I never know what to say to my kids when they ask why certain people don't come to church.
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I wonder what my kids will grow up to think about me?  Probably that she was insane.
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My youngest is currently quietly crying for the mommy. Misses her. She hasn't talked to them since Christmas Eve. I'm letting the tears cry this one out alone. I think stems from being tired.  Earlier the "I'm scared" trick was tried with tears until I pointed out that it only happens when the Nanny isn't here. That dried up the tears real fast.
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Things may get even uglier soon.
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Always scaring people gets old occasionally.
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Running a youth group is like running a dating service occasionally.  Except it's not that clean. Disturbing.
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New Year. Old me. What to begin? What to keep? What to clean out? What to end?
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I am so blessed. I want to be a better blessing. I want to be less me, and more Him.
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My body is acting funny. I'm exhausted and even walking around leaves me with tunnel vision and me wanting to lie down. Which is what I'm now planning on doing.
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My heart breaks. My heart sings and rejoices.